


I'm Here

by Theatrically_scattered



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Anxiety, Comfort, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-09-15 15:55:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9242903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Theatrically_scattered/pseuds/Theatrically_scattered
Summary: "Take a moment to think of just; flexibility, love, and trust."





	

Victor knew Yuuri had difficulty with his anxiety. He tried offering help but Yuuri would always politely laugh and turn him down.

Yuuri started to grow more isolated and that worried Victor immensely. Trying as many times as he did to get the anxious skater to talk to him was a more difficult task than it seemed. Seeing that he himself wasn't going to cut it, he reached out to a friend of Yuuri's; one Phichit Chulanont.

"Hey Victor! This is a surprise; how are you?" Phichit smiled, waving from the small dimensions of his phone.

"I'm alright, just a bit worried."

"Hm, about what? You can talk about your troubles and I'll help any way I can!"

"Thank you, Phichit. It's not entirely about me; my cause of worry is Yuuri."

"Oh no! What's wrong? Is he okay?"

"I don't know; he won't talk to me. He just runs off to Ice Castle and won't come back until well into the night. I know he does that when he's anxious or something's bothering him but I don't know how to talk to him."

"Hmm...let me talk to Leo real fast."

"Huh? Why?"

"Because I have an idea but I need his help. I should get back to you in under an hour, so 'til then!" Phichit signed off, not giving Victor the chance to ask what he was doing or say goodbye.

True to his word, Phichit got back to Victor. He didn't call, but a text was good enough.

_'Leo found this and I think it'll help; just go to where Yuuri is and sake with him to this!'_

_'Thanks again for your help, Phichit. Yuuri is lucky to have a friend like you.'_

_'Aw shucks, thanks Victor! And he's lucky to have a coach that cares about him.'_

Victor opened the link the Thai skater sent, wanting to listen to the song he was going to skate to. After listening, he made quick work to download it to his phone; then rushed off to catch Yuuri at Ice Castle.  
                        ___________

Sure enough, Yuuri was still skating; lazily gliding along the ice, eyes downcast and deep in thought.

"Yuuri." Victor called out.

Yuuri jumped at the voice, looking towards the wall where his coach stood.

"Hi, Victor." Forcing himself to give a small smile. "Did you need something?"

"Yes." Victor replied, joining Yuuri on the ice. "I want to skate with you."

"H-huh??" Yuuri asked, flabbergasted at the Russian's sudden presence. "Uh, w-why? I mean I don't mind!! But u-uh I'm curious..." he mumbled, face red and forcing himself to look at his own skates.

"Because I want to. Here, I'll start up the song." Victor chuckled, always amused at Yuuri's flustered self. Bringing out his phone, he opened the music app and pressed play.

_"Take a moment to think of just, flexibility, love and trust..."_

_"Here comes a thought that might alarm you. What someone said, and how it harmed you..."_

Victor gently took Yuuri's hand, skating in circles with him before breaking away and performing a double loop. He wasn't going to overly work himself; Victor always modeled his routines to what the mood of the song relayed. This one was soft, mellow, calming. So he decided to not to do much.

_"...and oh you're losing sight, you're losing touch, all these little things seem to matter so much; that they confuse you, that I might lose you."_

Victor stopped a little a ways from Yuuri; turning slightly so he faced him. He saw Yuuri staring at him in silent wonder, eyes shining against the sight of his skating. Victor skated back over, slowing so he was standing in front of the Japanese man. Gently, he took one of Yuuri's hands in his own. He brought up their joined hands and smiled at him, watching as a dust of pink colored Yuuri's face.

_"It's ok...you've got nothing to fear...I'm here, I'm here, I'm here."_

_"Here comes a thought, that might alarm me. What someone said, and how it harmed me..."_

Yuuri took his hand back, and skated away from Victor. He listened to the song intently, letting his head clear and focusing on the lyrics.

_'This singer is more timid, her voice is soft and her nervousness can be heard in the tiny wavers of her voice. Sort of like me.'_ Yuuri thought to himself.

_"...and oh, I'm losing sight, I'm losing touch, all these little things seem to matter so much; that they confuse me, that I might lose me."_

Yuuri felt his throat tighten. His mind was still full of his earlier anxieties, and to have this play calmed him if only a little. He felt like the singer was really speaking to him, like they understood what he was going through. Gliding in circles, he avoided looking at the Russian; he didn't want to show him his tears.

_"Take a moment remind yourself to take a moment and find yourself, take a moment to ask yourself if this is how we fall apart."_

Victor started skating behind Yuuri, trying to catch him. He wanted Yuuri to face him, to open up to him. But he knew Yuuri clammed up when he was anxious, so he wouldn't force him. Victor was fine gliding alongside him, and he'd wait until his fiancé was ok to talk.

_"But it's not...it's ok..."_

Yuuri could feel his heart speed up, its normal beating shifting into thrumming against his ribcage.

_'Oh god, out all times to have an anxiety attack it's now?'_ Yuuri thought to himself, despairing in the soon-to-be mess he'd become. His breath was trapped in his lungs, he started to waver in his skating. Forcing himself to stop, he covered his eyes in an attempt to stop the burning his tears were causing; his free hand clutching at his chest, his stress reaching its peak.

_"I've got nothing to fear...I'm here, I'm here, I'm here."_

He suddenly felt a set of cold fingers gently cup his cheek. Even with his vision blurred, he saw the outline of Victor's face merely inches from his own. He was able to see himself reflected in the pools of icy blue in front of him.

_"And it was just a thought...it's ok...we can watch them go by, from here, from here, from here..."_

Yuuri felt Victor's arms embrace him; the feeling of cool lips pressing to the crown of his head stunning him. He nuzzled his face in the crook of the Russian's neck, his breathing slowing as he focused on the hand on his back and circles being rubbed into his back. Yuuri didn't notice that he was crying until he felt his cheek growing wet.

_"Take a moment to think of just, flexibility, love, and trust; take a moment to think of just, flexibility, love, and trust."_

The last note of the song played, reverberating in the air before leaving the two men in silence. Victor slowly guided Yuuri off the ice, reassuring him with kind smiles and mutterings of "shh" and "breathe."  
________________

Inside the locker room, Victor sat beside Yuuri; the younger man still crying, his figure trembling in his attempts to stop. The Russian held him gently, quietly comforting him.

Some time passed until Yuuri stopped crying. Sniffling, he faced Victor, giving him a small smile amidst his puffy eyes and runny nose.

"I'm sorry," He said, his smile gone as soon as it appeared, eyes downcast to his hands.

"For what?"

"Breaking down. I didn't mean for that to happen."

"Yuuri, you don't have to apologize for that. It's ok"

Yuuri made a noncommittal noise as he started to fiddle with his fingers. Victor frowned slightly before he leaned forward, staring at the ground.

"I used to have anxiety attacks."

"Huh?" Yuuri asked, stunned at what he just heard.

"It wasn't frequent, but I did have them. I'd have trouble breathing, and my hands would get clammy. They'd usually happen during practice a few days before a competition. Yakov was surprised that I was anxious, but he stepped up and took care of me. He'd usually ask me what was on my mind that made me panic. And I'd tell him I was worried that I would somehow mess up a spin or touch the ground when I landed from a Salchow. Yakov would then laugh, and try and get me to laugh too. 'Vitya,'" Victor said in what Yuuri thought was a funny impression of the Russian coach, "'you have worked so hard up until now. Don't worry, I have confidence in you; just breathe and clear your head from all the tiny voices. You are Victor Nikiforov, and one of my best students. You will be amazing.' It's funny because he really doesn't look the type to give motivation, but when he does it's what you need to hear."

Yuuri stared at the nostalgic smile on Victor's face. He never knew; Yuuri had always thought that Victor was naturally confident in himself, but know he got anxious was comforting in a way. Victor wasn't some untouchable god, he was a person who had his own worries as well. Yuuri took a deep breath before speaking.

"I was just...thinking. About last year. Well, everything, I guess. I thought of how I had that big meltdown that caused me to place 6th, then I was thinking about what would've happened if Yuri won the Hot Springs on Ice event, what would've happened if a skate broke at the Cup of China, what you see in me, if you regret being with me, if I'm holding you back,...my mind just thinks of the tiniest things and it blows up. And I can't help but entertain all of them; next thing I know I'm having an attack. I guess it's my own fault. When I was younger, I'd get teased a lot for my weight, even after I slimmed down when I started ballet and skating I still got called names. I've been a mess since then," Yuuri laughed bitterly, unsurprised but disappointed when he felt his eyes stinging again.

"Ah, I'm sorry," Yuuri said, wiping away fresh tears, "you shouldn't have to see me like this. I usually hide when this happens. And I shouldn't burden you with my thoughts...my problems are my own. I know I shouldn't bottle it up but old habits are hard to break I guess."

Yuuri moved to stand but was pulled down into Victor's chest in a hug.

"Yuuri, you shouldn't have to think that way. I want to be here, I want to help you. I want to be able to comfort you when you start to get anxious."

"I know, but-"

"No buts! I love you, and I'm here for you, okay?"

Yuuri briefly recalled the song Victor played. He focused on his breathing, the faint sound of the other man's heartbeat, the smell of cologne, the warmth of the body pressed against his. Yuuri felt calm, safe from his mind in the arms of his love.

A smile tugged at his lips.

"I've got nothing to fear..." Yuuri sang, waiting to see if Victor understood the impromptu singing.

Victor breathed a laugh as he placed a peck to Yuuri's cheek.

"I'm here, I'm here, I'm here." Victor sang back.

**Author's Note:**

> Listen this song is about dealing with your anxiety how could I not write this? 
> 
> Also how I see the song for them; Victor is confident sure, but I imagine fame and the expectations people project on him probably stress him out. Since he's been in the public eye for years he's probably better at handling his anxiety (like Garnet since Ruby and Sapphire have been fused for a /really/ long time), so I applied Garnets part of the song to him. Strong, calm, experienced. Yuuri, on the other hand, we've seen had his moments (first ep he's crying, other eps his thoughts shake his confidence) and is just a ball of anxiety most of the time. So Stevonnie's part is his; timid, small, wavering at times but learns how to handle. 
> 
> (If you're not familiar with the song, the song is Here Comes a Thought from Steven Universe! Specifically the episode "Mindful Education")


End file.
